Breastfeeding

With Lilah we struggled with latch issues in the beginning. She ended up being overfed early on (bad advice from a nurse at the hospital), she was given fast flow nipples the first couple days of life, I pumped too much and got an oversupply with too fast of a let down. All of those issues as well as my super large breasts, flat/soft/huge nipples and probably not trying hard enough, we never got a good "nursing relationship". I made the decision to exclusively pump with Lilah. I did so for 8 months and she had milk for over a year. This was a good decision for our family. I had anxiety issues early on and had trouble with the waking every 1-2 hour thing. It was a rough start for me as a Mom. So having my husband to feed her bottles and allow me to pump as needed made this work for us.
So now with Amelia I want to make nursing work. I didn't plan on pumping early on, but she had too few wet diapers and I needed to get my milk in so we could get her enough nourishment. So I pumped at the hospital until my milk came in. We still tried to feed at the breast and continue to with all feedings. When we went to her first doctor visit she was losing a little too much weight. So supplementing continued to be needed. I am struggling to find a balance with pumping just enough for relief and to have a bottle in case. Again I already have an oversupply.
Her latch is doing better, but there is no rhyme or reason to when she will get a full feed off of the breast. I try both breasts, all sorts of positions and sometimes it works. Maybe like twice a day. The other times we struggle for an hour or more and then she gets a bottle to fill her up. She is going 3-4 hours between feedings, which makes the struggle a bit easier. But still it is a major struggle. I am trying so hard to go with the flow and just relax. I think I am handling it well, but not great.
I have a lactation consultant appointment for Wednesday (today is Monday) I hope to get some tips on how to make this all work. Let's see how it all goes.

June 26th

June 26th is my Mom's birthday. So she has always wished for this baby to be born on that day. My niece missed the day by like 15 minutes and was born on the 27th 4 years ago. Well Mom got her wish!
My water broke around 2pm in the afternoon. All day I knew something was up, I just felt really "off". So around 4:30pm we got to the hospital. I had a scheduled c/s for Tuesday 6/29 so the plan was to do the surgery sometime Saturday night. I had to wait 8 hrs from when I last ate before the surgery. I seriously considered trying for a vaginal delivery this time. I had said If she were early, and I was showing good progression I would try. Well 6+hrs after the water breaking I was barely dialated to a 1. So the c/s was a go.
The surgery itself wasn't as smooth as my first c/s. But the baby was born and was healthy. It seemed that the drugs I was given weren't strong enough. I felt way more than I should have and my body began to have a panic attack. So once she was out I saw her head popped over the curtain and thought "look at that dark hair". Within a few minutes I was given some sedative that knocked me out for about an hour. When I woke I was back in the room and had to figure out what was going on. That part was a little off too. I had a complete meltdown trying to figure out what had just happened. I felt I needed to "explain myself" or something. Luckily those tears were short lived and within a few minutes of holding our new daughter I felt MUCH better.
Amelia Catherine was born at 9:14 pm. She was 20.5" long, 8lbs 5oz. She has a ton of hair and is super beautiful.
We are again in love!

Pregnancy is not easy!

I have become a complainer, and a whiner, and a general debby downer. I don't like to be this way, but I am. I can't put into words how physically draining have a toddler, being a working Mom, doing my best to take care of my "chores", and being pregnant really is. I am worn out, sore, and cranky. The humidity isn't helping. I am only 36 weeks 1 day right now. I would love to go into labor early, but know that she should "cook" a couple more weeks. We plan to have a c/section on June 29th, so that is 2 weeks from Tuesday. I still am not 100% sure we will make it to that day, but it is nice to know we are down to less than 20 days!! I am worn out. I want to be able to bend over, walk up the stairs, stand up from sitting on the floor, do all these things without gasping for breath. I know having 2 babies will not be easy, but damnit! I want my body back!
I can't wait to meet baby#2. I can't wait to see how my daughter takes on the "big sister" role. I really am looking forward to the good baby related things. I am not completely selfish. But I am going to whine for a little less than 20 days, then I will cherish it all. I will be tired, but I will be so happy to bring home another little baby and begin this new journey in my family's life.

Lilah is feeling better

Poor Lilah was super sick last week. She developed pneumonia. She had some sinus drainage, that turned into a cough, and then eventually bacterial pneumonia. It took over a week to figure out why her fever kept spiking, and why the first round of antibiotics weren't working. But eventually after the 3rd doctor's appointment we were on the right track. It was a rough couple weeks. It was so hard to watch her not getting any better. This cough will likely be around for a while, apparently she needs to cough it all out. Hopefully she is on the road to recovery. She is getting back to her funny little ms. independent self.

I am a Mom and a Wife

So it is funny sometimes I look at Lilah and think "are you real? Is this really my life?". I have always wanted to be a wife and mother. I waited somewhat late in life to find both, but I have both now and sometimes the reality strikes me. "I am a Mom".... I am a mother to a beautiful, amazing daughter.... I am a 36 weeks pregnant with my second daughter, who I am very excited to meet.
My husband is an amazing father. He is very kind, and very good at "taking care of things". He has always loved birds, and takes pride in his yard. He also takes care of the cats better than most cats are taken care of. :) He adores Lilah, and Lilah adores him. I think he is afraid that he can't love another daughter as much and perhaps is a little nervous for the big change to our family. But I know when he meets his new daughter, his heart will grow.
I am very blessed in life. I don't say enough prayers of "thanks" in my daily life. I need to do more of that. My life and, Me, are not perfect. But I do have the life I want now. I want to improve "Me". I plan to work on that in the time I have off from working outside of the home.

Lilah's words, 18 months+

Lilah has a very large vocabulary. The pediatrician told us she may as well give us the 2 year old sheet as far as words go. I estimate she says close to 50 words. I will list them and see where we get.
Mama
Dada
kitty
Lilah
Shadow (kitty)
Spark (kitty)
Banana
Grapes
More
Please
Thank you
Off
On
Shoe
Sock
Shirt
Hair
Eyes
Ears
Nose
Mouth
Feet
Belly
Tons of animals, cow, duck, dog... and she does sounds for them too
Outside
Inside
Swing
Milk
Oranges
Peaches
Chicken
Bye
Hi
No
Yes
Elmo
Cookie
Big Bird
Abby
Mikey Mouse
Goofey
Cheers
Up
All done
Nigh-nigh

Nightime Books

I have been playing favorites with some of Lilah's bedtime books. She does some "cute" things with them and I just love it.
1. Is your Mama a Llama? This book asks various animals if their Mamas are llamas. Bat, Swan, Cow, Kangaroo. Well these animals don't provide as much excitement as does the random turtle in the book, that isn't even mentioned. She yells "turtle" and punches the book. So funny.
2. Going to Bed Book: This book ends with "they rock and rock and rock to sleep". So of course when we get to the last page Lilah say and does "rock". So cute!
3. Moo Baa La La Laa: So this starts with "a cow says moo a sheeps says baa". Then goes on to say "Three Singing pigs say La La La". The next page says "no, no you say...". So Lilah says "No No" and shakes her head with a BIG grin. :)
4. Maisy Books: Any of the Maisy books that have panda in them. She screams with delight "panda" and punches the book. So so funny.

I adore this little girl! :)

Sand/Water Table

Lilah had lots of fun playing with her table this weekend. She decided though that standing up and playing wasn't so much fun. So she climbed right in. She first did the sand, then the water. Since Lilah doesn't like getting her picture taken I had to trick her and say "where is your hair" so that she would look up. So since she was all wet already we decided to fill up her pool and let her play. She loved it!! :)

Belly Pic from a week ago

I forgot to post this when I was a post-aholic. But here is a shot from 32wks1day.

This is from just over 33wks with Lilah

Reality Starting to set in

We planned on having our children this close together. We wanted them to grow up and be close. BUT I surely didn't plan for pregnancy with a toddler, or ever think that this could be hard. This experience has been so incredibly hard. I can't wait for the end and to meet another beautiful daughter. I can't wait for Lilah to be a big sister. But most importantly I can't wait to have my body back.

I realize life with two little ones isn't going to be easy. I realize that I will be sleep deprived. But I think once I have physical energy again life will get easier. Maybe I am fooling myself greatly, probably am.

So as of today I have 37 days left until we meet this new little baby. Let the countdown begin. :)

My Plan

Well being a full time working Mom, even with a very flexible job has proven to be very difficult. I am no focussed, and more importantly not very happy. I have always known that I couldn't be a 100% stay at home Mom. I need something more in life.
I also don't think I can provide enough of the "educational" type learning that toddlers need. We sometimes get bored at home on the weekends trying to keep a very inquisitive toddler entertained. We have fun. But if the weather isn't nice we tend to watch TV too often.
So I have always thought the ideal situation would be part time. Enjoy being with my children often during the week, but not full time. And also doing something to keep my mind in check.
My new working plan for the rest of 2010 is actually less than part time. I will be off work from June 18- September. From September to January I will be working under 20 hrs a week, mostly in the office, but some at home projects too.
This means that the new baby will likely not be exposed to daycare until January. I don't find daycare all that beneficial for babies, but I think the structure for a toddler is important. So Lilah will still be in daycare a little over 15 hrs a week. I think the interaction with other children and the learning opportunity for her is well worth it. Hopefully my Mom can watch the baby on days I work.
So I will have time to myself, time for my children, hopefully time for my husband and house projects, and time for exercise! I can't wait to work out again. It seems silly, but I get so much out of exercise and mentally I need it. So hopefully by late July I will be cleared to do more than walking.

Amelia Catherine (AKA Baby#2)

I had an ultrasound about 3 weeks ago. I never posted the new pictures on here. I was delighted to finally see a face image. We hadn't gotten one previously. The second picture was amusing to me. She certainly kicks hard! Maybe she will like soccer.
The idea of having a baby in 6-8 short weeks is getting a bit overwhelming. I have really began to enjoy sleeping again. Lilah sleep through the night almost every night. She sleeps somewhere between 11-13 hours a night. It is so nice to have that time to get things done and get some rest. It will be quite the transition to get broken sleep again. It will all work out, but I am nervous. Bring it on!

Toddlers

Well we have met our match for stubborn. Ms.Lilah is getting into this 18 month old stage and is testing the limits big time. We get crying fits daily! But she is a joy as well. She is so so verbal and really is learning the world around her. It amazes us how fast she actually learns something. We show her something once or twice and then she repeats it the next time. This happened with "bus". We showed her a bus two times, then the next time she sees one she says "us". So every morning on the way to daycare we need to look for "us" and "rucks". :) This is fun, but she doesn't understand why there are no "us's" on Sunday. :)
She is starting to jesture more too. She puts her arms to the side like "I don't know" and she says "don't know" and "where'd go". So stinking cute. I adore this little girl, but she is giving me a run for my money, and with very little extra energy it has been tough. But I wouldn't trade it for anything in the world.

Must have toys for babies!

Bouncer (birth until weight limit is reached or they try and flip over)







Play Mat (birth to crawling) Once they crawl the play bar may need to be removed since they try to pull up on








Music Table (Sitting up- pulling up/standing)









Push Toy (Pulling up to cruising)

Teeth FYI

http://content.revolutionhealth.com/contentimages/nr551869.jpg

Feeling very BLAH about Me

Well it is no secret to the world that I have a weight problem. I always have. I am not sure when it started, but it was well before Junior High. I have vivid memories of every summer planning to lose weight and then buying all the "cool clothes" the skinny girls were wearing. But I never did lose the weight, just kept gaining it.
It took until college to really find motivation and knowledge of how to be healthy. College surely didn't cure me, but it did help me understand that it was something I could control. So I have been on an up and down cycle for the last 10+ years. I know what is healthy to eat and that exercise is essential to staying healthy.
My recent "excuse" is infertility treatments, TTC and being pregnant. My focus has shifted away from ME. So I am a big fat BLOB. I hate being this way. I started this pregnancy about 5lbs more than I did with Lilah. I was hoping to avoid gaining as much weight as I did with her (probably about 38lbs). But the scale is not my friend right now.
I am still in the same old mindset.. "when this baby comes and I can exercise again....". I want to run again, running is something that works for me, mentally and physically. I keep talking about doing it. I just need to do it when the time comes.
For now I need to "get over it" and realize that this is who I am now and I can't change it "yet". So if I can avoid mirrors and scales until this baby is born, maybe I will be ok.
FAT CHANCE!
wahhh wahhh wahhh Woe is ME! :)

LOTS of movement!

Well there is no doubt there is something living inside of me. This little creature is having lots of fun inside me lately. Early movement always feels so strange. It is a mixture of gas bubbles, and feelings of being tickled on the inside... it is just weird to feel.
My belly is huge now. Not that I have ever had a small belly. But it is hard to deny the bumb anymore, not that I would deny it. Sometime soon we will get to meet this little baby. Hopefully that soon is still months away.

Layla Grace

I came across this story last week. I can't stop following the twitter feed or the blog. My heart is breaking for this family.
http://laylagrace.org/

I can't imagine ever being as strong as these parents are being. I can't imagine how you can see positive in such darkness. I have a strong faith and I keep myself sane most days by truely believing that good can come from bad. But why does a little girl have to suffer? Why does this family have to let go of a little girl that they love so much? I am really struggling with this. (which I know is trite considering what her family is going through).
This poor little girl started getting sick when she was Lilah's age. So of course it is hitting way too close to home. But my baby is healthy. And so many other babies are healthy. Why does this poor little girl Layla not get to grow up and enjoy life. Why? Why? Why?
I keep praying for this family, that they somehow find peace. But they are so strong and have already made some peace with this.
I am so sad. This just isn't fair.
Lord please stop this little baby's suffering and please bring some peace to this family.

Lilah is the best!

I have said before how much I adore my little girl. Here are some of my favorite things about her right now.
She loves to hug. She snuggles right in, her face to mine. It is so precious and melts my heart every time.
She loves the kitties. She crawls over to them and lays her head on them to hug them. They aren't so thrilled by this activity, but it is pretty darn cute.
She totally gets the idea of the phone. But she thinks that she can put anything to her ear and say "hello" and it makes it a phone. So she picks up remote controls, mini-alarm clocks, anything that is small and hand held, and puts it to her ear (or the side of her head, sometimes the aim is off) and says "hello". Awwww
She has a play kitchen that has a window in it. She goes to the other side of the window and sticks her head in and squeals with delight. Looking at you threw the window is the greatest thing to her.
She is really a talker. She has many words in her vocabulary and regularly repeats what we say to her. I think there are at least 25 words she uses regularly. I have read that 3 words for a 15 month old is the target. So I am proud of my little talker.
She isn't walking yet. I try to walk with her sometimes she plays along, others she collapses to her knees and crawls. She has been cruising on furniture for a long time. But she just lacks the courage to "let go". (hmmm anyone else have the "let go" problem? ; ) )
She grabs a blanket and lays down and says "nigh nigh" when she is playing in the family room. She has no intention of sleeping, but she knows this gets a laugh, so she plays along.

I am not a good blogger

It has been a long time since I updated. This has been a difficult pregnancy. I have had two major bleeds and it was found I have 1. Subchorionic hematoma, 2. Placenta Previa. Both of these conditions can cause bleeding. Because of these I was put on very limited activity by my OB. She doesn't want me to lift more than 5lbs, or push shopping carts. This ultrasound image below shows the bleed (the dark black on the right).

Having a 1 year old makes it very difficult to limit activity. Lilah doesn't walk yet so we really needed to get some help. I was able to get some help in the afternoon from a young girl. She comes to the house and plays with Lilah and helps me get her in and out of the car. It has been a great help. Lilah gets a little whiney when she can't have Mommy, but she is doing better.

We had another ultrasound on January 22 because I was spotting (all day long for about 18 days). We got to see great images of the baby, but the baby was not willing to provide the "money shot". So we are still unsure what the gender is.

I have recently been made aware of another possible complication with this pregnancy. It seems I have mild preeclampsia. I am worried about this and how the next few weeks will go.

We have an ultrasound on Monday. I hope we can pick a team of pink or blue.